Assuming Fatherhood
by Aromene
Summary: Kili spends the first five years of his life convinced Thorin is his father. Fili finds this amusing. Dis finds this sad. Thorin finds it more than a little horrifying.


**Title: ****Assumed Fatherhood**

**AN: Right, I completely created my own head-canon for this story which I will probably then ignore in future. Still, the tragedy of having Fili and Kili's father die at this particular time makes the whole story even sadder. And I like sad. Take it as you will.**

**Kili spends the first five years of his life convinced Thorin is his father. Fili finds this amusing. Dis finds this sad. Thorin finds it more than a little horrifying.**

* * *

Dis is eight months with child and still has some months left to go when Prem is killed. It is his month to join the hunting parties that range to the northern reaches of the Ered Luin to find food enough to feed several hundred dwarves each day. It should have been safe; it had always been safe. But the hunters, led by Dwalin, return one dark evening to tell her that her husband will not be returning with them.

Dis takes the news better than Dwalin seems to think she will. Fili is already in bed asleep and so Dis spends the night sitting by the fire in the kitchen, wondering what she will tell him when he wakes. And wondering what she will tell the one in her belly when he is born. She does not allow herself to cry. She does not allow herself to wonder what will happen now. Dis may no longer carry the title of princess of the line of Thror in these far lands, but her family will still be looked after. Thorin, at least, will not allow them to starve.

It is only in the very early hours of morning, when the hints of dawn begin to glimmer outside the kitchen window, that Dis feels her resolve crack. In Dunland there had been no dwarf births, but since they had settled in the Blue Mountains after the death of King Thror, their numbers had slowly increased. Dis had known when she wed Prem that she was old even for a dwarrowdam to be bearing children, but they tried anyways. When she had realised she was with child, Prem had been overwhelmingly happy and he hadn't stopped smiling at Fili for weeks after the dwarfling was born. Dis could not remember ever being so happy herself. When she had discovered she was once more with child, they had both been astonished that it was possible. No other dwarrowdam had had more than one child since they had fled Erebor. Even Fili seemed excited at the prospect of a sibling, though he was barely old enough to string two words together.

But now, Prem was gone and Dis would have two children to look after alone. Two children that would have no father except through the stories their mother would tell them. Dis allowed herself a few moments to grieve for that, as she could not grieve for her husband.

Dwalin returned shortly after dawn, with Thorin in toe. He must have left immediately to find Dis' brother the night before, as Thorin was down at the forges of men in the ranger towns to the east of the mountains. They must have ridden all night on horse to arrive so quickly.

It is quite clear that Thorin has no idea what to do with the situation. That actually helps, Dis finds, because it leaves her as the one in charge of cleaning up the mess. Fili wakes to find breakfast ready for him and his uncle there for a visit, whom he hasn't seen in a few weeks. It's a distraction, for a while. It is only much later when, after hours of asking and Thorin departs to return to work that Dis takes her little son in her arms and tells him that his father is not coming back.

Fili does not understand. He is too young yet. Perhaps even too young to remember a father he will never know again. And perhaps that will be a blessing.

Others come to offer their condolences in the days to come and to spare what food they can as a means to help. Dis does not allow herself to be proud, but neither does she allow herself to openly grieve in front of anyone. Dwalin comes every few days and it is only after a week or so that Dis realises that Thorin must have asked the old warrior to look after her while he is away at work. Dis is annoyed at her brother, but not at Dwalin, so she accepts him into her kitchen in the evenings and lets him talk about nothing in particular.

Two months later, and more than a month early, Dis goes into labour. Thorin is back in the mountains for a while and so he is there to look after Fili while Dis is taken to her rooms and the birthing dam is fetched. It is not long before there are new cries in the house. The new baby – another son – looks so much like Frerin that Dis cannot hold back her tears. She still misses her brother desperately, though it has been more than six decades since he was lost.

It is only later, once she has cleaned up and fed the new babe that Thorin brings Fili to meet his brother.

'What will you name him?' her brother asks.

'Kili I should think. Fili and Kili.'

Something in Thorin's eyes relaxes and Dis knows he sees the resemblance too. 'A good name for an heir of Durin.'

Dis does not respond to that. They have no heirs anymore, not since Thrain disappeared. Dis will not allow her sons to be raised as heirs to kingdoms long lost. But they can argue about that another night.

'I'm tired,' she says and Thorin takes the hint to carry Fili off to bed, promising he can spend all the next day with his new brother.

Thorin does not return to work when he should the next month. Dis accepts this without a word, because she knows that once her brother decides to do something, nothing and no one will change his mind. Thorin takes up an empty space in the house and if there are moments that Dis turns to ask Prem a question, she manages at least to stop herself before uttering a word. Thorin seems to know, if not understand and does not say anything.

Instead, he takes on the role of husband as much as brother and Dis, mostly, lets him. The boys need a father-figure if they cannot have a father and Uncle Thorin can at least be present. He has no experience with fathering, which Dis finds a blessing, but at least he knows how to be an occasional Uncle, which is all Fili seems to want or need.

She might have known that Kili would be different. How could she wonder that the dwarfling would grow up thinking anything else?

Kili is four when he utters his first word. Fili is sitting on an upturned log watching Thorin chop wood. Kili is on the ground beside his brother, under strict orders not to crawl off. As Fili is under strict orders to make certain his little brother doesn't.

Thorin stops for a moment to take a drink of water from the bucket beside his nephews. 'How much longer?' Fili asks.

Thorin raises a brow. 'If you'd prefer to not have wood to cook or fuel to heat the house, I can stop now.'

Fili pouts. 'You said you'd show me knife throwing.'

'Did I?' Thorin asks back, laughter in his eyes.

Fili nods solemnly. 'Yes. And you always do what you say.'

'Yes, I do. An honourable dwarf must. Very well, I will chop a few more logs and then we will practice.' He has just turned away to take up the axe again when Kili looks up from the wood shavings he has been collecting into a pile and smiles.

'Da!' he shouts.

Thorin freezes, back to them.

Fili doesn't seem to notice the reaction. He just laughs. 'Hey Kili! Aren't you smart little brother! Ma! Ma!' he jumps up from the log, shouting. Dis is around the side of the house doing washing today and so it doesn't take her long to come running. 'Ma, Kili said his first word!'

'Did he?' his mother asks as she wipes her hands dry on her skirts. 'And what did he say?'

'He called uncle 'da',' Fili smiles widely; not at all aware that this is an issue.

Dis' smile freezes on her face and then dissolves.

'What's wrong?' Fili asks, tugging on her skirts. She is not even looking at him, instead she has locked eyes across the woodpile with her brother. Thorin still seems unable to move.

'Ma?' Fili asks again.

Dis pulls her eyes away and tries to find her lost smile again. She only barely manages it. Inside, her heart is racing because she feared this day would come. Dis no longer worried that her sons would grow up without a father, nor who they would take on as role models. But she did worry that her brother, who refused to wed and have children, would think otherwise. Clearly he had a problem with it.

'All is well Fee.' Dis says to her older son. 'I need to finish the washing.'

Fili watches his mother walk away, confused. 'Why is Ma so sad?' he asks his Uncle instead.

Thorin seems to regain the ability to speak. 'It's nothing Fili. Don't go worrying about it.'

'Da!' Kili cries again, clearly annoyed at being ignored.

Thorin glances down at the small figure near his feet and heaves a sigh. 'What is it Kili?'

Kili lifts his arms up. 'Da!' he shouts again.

Thorin does not pick the boys up very often. Fili tells himself this is because a warrior needs to always have his hands free to reach for weapons. Fili only has vague memories of being carried by his Uncle when he was younger. He can't remember Thorin carrying Kili almost at all.

'I need to finish chopping the wood Kili. Then it will be time for dinner.'

Kili starts to whine. Fili hates the whining. It hurts his ears.

'Please don't,' Thorin begs.

Fili sighs himself, in a very put-upon way and gathers his little brother in his arms. Kili is already sniffling through tears. 'Let's find Ma,' he tells the dwarfling. Fili is just big enough now to carry his brother, at least over short distances.

Behind them, Thorin sighs in relief. Fili gives his Uncle a look. He doesn't really understand what the problem is. Kili and him don't have a Da anymore, but Uncle Thorin is always around. Why can't he be their Da instead?

Around the side of the house the two dwarflings find their mother. Dis is bent over the washing tub hands deep in the water, but she isn't moving.

'Are you crying Ma?' Fili asks as he sets Kili down near her skirts. The dwarfling is still whining away.

'Certainly not,' Dis says, taking a deep breath. She pulls her hands from the water and wipes them on her skirts again. 'What's the matter, my love?' she asks Kili, stooping down to lift him in her arms. He quiets as soon as he's held.

'Da?' Kili asks.

'Not right now,' Dis says.

Fili is old enough to know that she is lying. He can see the tears in her eyes, the same that are in Kili's. He is not old enough to understand why.

The confusion only lasts a short while. Kili grows old enough to learn a few more words and by the time he is six summers old he calls Thorin 'Uncle' the same as Fili. But those few years teach Fili to understand that every time Kili slips up, it reminds their mother of her dead husband. And it reminds Thorin of why he never wanted children in the first place. Which is all right with Fili, as he thinks Thorin makes a much better Uncle anyways.


End file.
